This isn't going to be the best blog post in the world but I just need to vent about how I'm feeling right now about Jackson's language development.
Over the past several weeks we've been making a concerted effort to keep the TV off. Some days I've done really well, others I haven't. It's especially hard when I need to get something done or when he's crying for it. It just makes him so happy. So, I'm thinking of turning it off completely for the rest of the week to break the habit. Thing is, I don't know if I can do it myself. I feel like if I am not allowing him to watch it, I should turn it off for myself too. Because, honestly, I think the problem is my addiction to TV as much as it is Jackson's. I know that I could be working with him more and interacting with him more, but for some reason I get glued to the set.
Jackson has made a little progress in the past few weeks. He's saying da-da, good, gone, done, tries to say dog (sounds like a Homer Simpson 'Doh!'), and on occasion will try to say 'I did it' (sounds like 'die-did-dit') when he throws the ball. All of these things are random though. He won't say them on command or mimic us saying them. It's almost like he refuses to say anything if we are wanting him to. He doesn't say any of the things you would think a toddler would say first like juice, milk, cup, cookie, ball, ma-ma, etc.
But then he does do things that blow my mind. He tries to brush his own teeth and hair. He knows how to work my iPhone (presses the button, and slides the bar to turn it on), knows how to turn on the tv (go figure), can open the back door if it's not locked, and will go fetch just about anything you ask him to (a ball, his blanket, his cup, a toy or book, etc.).
I've been feeling really good about his progress until I was looking at a milestone chart today and found myself heart-broken and riddled with guilt again. I've had several friends tell me to stop looking at the charts, which I am totally going to do starting today. They seem to make me feel worse about Jackson's development rather than better. It said that he should be saying 15 words regularly by 18 months. That means he has a whole heck of a lot of catching up to do in the next 4 weeks, which makes me nervous. Also, it said that he should be pointing to body parts when asked. Jackson has absolutely no interest in even sitting through the 'Heads, shoulders, knees and toes' song and I can't get him to sit still long enough to even point out his body parts long enough that he would be able to recognize them.
I'm trying not to be upset about it or think there might be something wrong but it is really hard when you see every other toddler at Jackson's age doing things he just will not do. Is it something I'm doing? Am I not doing what I should be doing to aid his development? Or is he just laid back and will do it when he feels like it?
I know that every child is different and develops at a different pace but I can't help but worry. I guess, more than anything, I'm struggling with fear and mother's guilt. Fear that he will need some type of intervention and guilt that in some way this is all my fault. So prayers are greatly appreciated for us (Bryan too b/c he has to deal with an emotional wife) right now!