Thursday, November 11, 2010

Something Shook Me

On Sunday, something happened that absolutely rattled my "Mommy Foundation."  An acquaintance at our old church in SC lost their 21 month old son.  More shocking than just losing a child at less than 2 years old, was the way in which he lost his life.  He was not ill, it wasn't a car accident, or at the hand of another person...he fell down a flight of stairs.

This event has absolutely shaken me to the core.  Before he passed, I prayed for a miracle.  I prayed that if it took God taking one of my many blessings away for this little boy to live, that I would sacrifice that blessing.  I've cried for days over this.  I've cried for the parents, friends, and family members.  I've cried for the little boy, himself.  I've cried for the sitters who were watching him at the time.  I've cried tears of thanks to the Lord for my child.

And, the crazy thing is, I barely even knew this family.  So, why has it shaken me so much?

It's shaken me because I cannot imagine having to come home to a house full of toys, a camera full of pictures and videos yet to be shared, a closet full of clothes not yet worn, and Christmas presents not yet wrapped or opened.

It's shaken me because what person out there has not fallen down some stairs?  I feel like I do it on a monthly basis.  Children fall and bump their heads all the time.  They pull things down on them.  For heavens sake, they stick things in power outlets...but you rarely hear of something like that actually taking a baby's life.  It seems that they are always "close calls."  Why couldn't this tumble have been just a close call?

It's shaken me because of the numerous times I'm guilty of not immediately running to Jackson when I hear that he's getting into something he shouldn't or is in another room without supervision.

It's shaken me because I've been pondering whether I want to continue to stay at home full time or go back to teaching.  I can honestly say this one event has flipped my thoughts on going back to teaching upside down.  I don't want to miss a moment.  I don't want my child's safety and well being to be any one else's responsibility on a daily basis.  Not that I don't trust others, but because I wouldn't want anyone to have to go through what this little boy's sitters are having to go through.  So for now, at least, I'm resolved and completely thrilled to be a stay-at-home mom.

I'll never understand why this little boy was taken from his parents, friends, family, and the world so early.  I'll never understand why God only allowed his parents to enjoy him for less than two years.  But what I do understand is this...

My God is good.  He doesn't promise us a perfect life without hard times.  But what He does promise is that He will hold us close during those hard times.  God is love.  And love, overcomes death.

You Do Not Realize Now What I Am Doing, But Later You Will Understand. ~ John 13:7

Below is the link to the obituary.  The family is taking donations through the funeral home to help with funeral costs.  Please donate...


Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Oh the difference a year makes...

Yesterday, I cleaned all the bottles out of the cabinet and was overcome with emotion.  I can't believe that it's been over a year since Jackson was born.  Lately, I've found myself being more and more nostalgic.  I think it's because I've felt like I have a newborn again.  Between Jackson waking up in the middle of the night and the neediness during the day, I've found myself sleep deprived and on edge like I was the first few weeks of his life.  Things are calming down now (Phew! It was just a stage.) and I've been able to break through the sleep fog to actually reminisce about all of the events of the past year.

                                  Halloween 2009 -  Almost 1 month old

I think about how much Jackson's grown and all the milestones he's already crossed -  sitting up, crawling, walking, eating solid foods, and no longer taking a bottle.  I look forward to watching Jackson cross many more milestones and doing typical little boy things - running around in the backyard, soccer games, playing fetch with the dogs, going to Disney World, etc.  But, I find myself wanting things to slow down.  I miss his nap times on my chest and cuddle time while he took his bottle.  I miss the sound of those first coos and giggles.  I miss my little baby boy.

             Halloween 2010 - 1 year old -  Very Hungry Caterpillar Theme

Uh that the itch to have another one?

I hope it's just eczema.