Delayed

Since I am subbing and can't talk to anyone about this I am blogging about it.  It is the only way I can get it out right away before it consumes me.  So, I'm sorry if this post seems scattered, but I'm writing with suppressed emotions here.
I am currently sitting in a mostly empty classroom with 6 middle school students (the rest of their classmates are on a field trip), and I'm having trouble holding myself together.

Today Jackson had his 2nd speech therapy evaluation, as most of you -- my friends and family-- already know.  Bryan took him and called me with the news immediately after.

Jackson does qualify for speech therapy services.  There's such a mixed bag of emotions flooding thorugh me right now.  I prayed that he'd qualify, I knew he needed them.  But the wording of the diagnosis is what has me drowning.

"A mild delay in speech and a moderate delay in auditory comprehension."

It seems simple and mundane, but it's killing me.  I fully expected the "mild" delay in speech.  Knew it. Owned it.  But what's got me is the "moderate" delay in auditory comprehension.  Moderate.  MODERATE?  As in, medium quanitity. As in, worse than mild or none at all.  As in, worse than I thought.

Trust me, I know it could be worse.  The adjective used could've been severe, or extreme, or excessive.  But just the words "moderate delay" have me sitting fighting back tears in an 8th grade classroom.  Praise God that the lights are off, while they watch a movie, and I can blame my sniffling on the cold I've had for the past few days.

The only other information I have is that there were several things that the teacher was trying to get Jackson to do and he couldn't/wouldn't do it.  He seemed distracted and then would fuss when she took away the distraction.  She even put him in a high chair to help him focus, and it didn't help much.  Part of me wants to say the "moderate delay" is just his stubbornness, but then I wonder if I'm just making excuses for him.  Bryan said where his development was on the chart compared to where it should be was difficult to swallow.  I wish I would've been there to witness everything, but maybe it's for the best that I wasn't.  I may not have been able to hold myself together.

We are supposed to get a phone call from the Therapy and Learning Center about when he will have speech therapy.  I'm thinking it will be once a week but that was what I assumed when I just thought the delay was in speech.  It may be more now that it's both speech and auditory comprehension, and moderate...

As we know more, I'll try to keep the blog updated.  In the meantime, just pray fervently for Jackson.  Pray that he outgrows this, pray that the teachers he works with will be able to see exactly what he needs and fix the problem, pray that we all get a little comfort from the Lord.

XOXO