Joy comes in the smallest of victories...
...Like how I just installed our new dryer (connected the "pigtail" aka power cord and hose) ALL BY MYSELF! All with a 2 year old literally crawling on my back.
I know this may be an easy task to most of the male species out there, but it made me feel very empowered. A feeling I haven't felt in quite some time considering how life keeps throwing us curveballs.
Today I proved that I am "More than a Mommy." I am also a handy-"wo"man!
So I just have to say,
"I am woman...HEAR ME ROAR!"
XOXO
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Sugar and spice and everything nice...
...That's what little girls are made of!
And, we are THRILLED to announce that the little one I have cookin' in the oven seems to be made of all those things! That's right folks...IT'S A GIRL!
Now, I know what you all are thinking. Isn't it a little early to tell. I thought so too, so I'll just give you the account of how the gender identification came to be.
I had my 15 week appointment (actually 14 weeks 6 days, but who's counting?) last Wednesday. The night before I told Bryan that I was going to ask if it was possible to see the gender yet. First, because I was DYING to know and second because we were going to see my family over the weekend and I wanted to surprise them with the news. See, my mom lives in Singapore most of the year and is only in the states for a few weeks, so it would be the only opportunity I had to do something cutesy to surprise her.
I went in on Wednesday, and the conversation went something like this...
Doc: "Everything seems to be fine on your lab work and with the doppler. Are you having any problems or do you have any questions?"
Me: "Nope."
Doc: "OK, then. I'd like to see you again in 4 weeks."
Me: "Actually I do have one question...and I normally wouldn't ask this. Is there any possible way we'd be able to determine the gender today? The only reason I ask is that my mom lives in Singapore and is only in the states for a few weeks and I'm going to see her this weekend and would like to surprise her..."
Doc: (Excitedly) "Well let's go see!"
I jumped off the table, grabbed all my things including Jackson and practically ran to the ultrasound room. Unlike Jackson, this baby did not want to show it's goods. The ultrasound tech tried for what seemed like an eternity to move it around and even had me turn over a couple times, but that little goober would not uncross it's legs. Finally, I got up did jumping jacks and hip circles and it FINALLY spread 'em. (I can honestly say this is the only time I'll ever encourage her to spread her legs!)
It's still a little early but if you know anything about the anatomy of boy and girl parts, I think you can see that it's pretty clear that this one's a little girl!
I actually didn't see for myself during the ultrasound. The tech wouldn't even let me look at the screen. She put the pic in the envelope and I rushed to Bryan's office where we sat in the car in the pouring rain and opened the envelope together. It was a special moment to do be able to do it together.
I was able to keep a lid on the secret (for those of you who know how big my mouth is, this was huge for me) and surprised my family with the news when we got to Pigeon Forge Friday.
I wrapped 4 gifts - one for my mom, stepdad, brother, and sister in law - and had them open them all at the same time. The gifts were clues about it being a girl -- a Mounds bar (because Almond Joys have nuts, Mounds don't), a box of tacos (I don't have to elaborate here, do I?), sugar, and spices. It took a minute for them to get it but, of course, my mom was the first to figure it out. They all were overjoyed and my mom and stepdad cried...SHOCKING! :-)
Now onto the coolest part of the story...the name...
Bryan and I have known that for some time now that we wanted our little girl's first name to be Ocie, after his grandmother. But, we also knew we didn't want her to go by Ocie, so we wanted a good, classic middle name that would be cute for a little girl but that would also grow with her and sound just as good if she was the CEO of some huge company someday. We'd tossed a few names around and narrowed it down to Ocie Claire and Ocie Ruth. I know, you're thinking, how is this cool? Just wait...
In July, Bryan started a journey to read the Bible from cover to cover. Almost everyday he's read 3-5 pages. On the day of the ultrasound (keep in mind we had no idea if we'd find out that day), he started the book of Ruth! In typical Bryan nerdiness, he did some statistical analysis of the probability of that happening and came out with the probability of him starting that book on that particular day at 0.02%. (I know...he's such a dweeb.)
Anyways...that pretty much settled it for us! We are super excited to welcome our little Ocie Ruth in March. We can't wait to meet you Ru-Ru!
I'll leave you readers with a few of my favorite pics from our weekend in Pigeon Forge. We had a blast!!
XOXO
And, we are THRILLED to announce that the little one I have cookin' in the oven seems to be made of all those things! That's right folks...IT'S A GIRL!
Now, I know what you all are thinking. Isn't it a little early to tell. I thought so too, so I'll just give you the account of how the gender identification came to be.
I had my 15 week appointment (actually 14 weeks 6 days, but who's counting?) last Wednesday. The night before I told Bryan that I was going to ask if it was possible to see the gender yet. First, because I was DYING to know and second because we were going to see my family over the weekend and I wanted to surprise them with the news. See, my mom lives in Singapore most of the year and is only in the states for a few weeks, so it would be the only opportunity I had to do something cutesy to surprise her.
I went in on Wednesday, and the conversation went something like this...
Doc: "Everything seems to be fine on your lab work and with the doppler. Are you having any problems or do you have any questions?"
Me: "Nope."
Doc: "OK, then. I'd like to see you again in 4 weeks."
Me: "Actually I do have one question...and I normally wouldn't ask this. Is there any possible way we'd be able to determine the gender today? The only reason I ask is that my mom lives in Singapore and is only in the states for a few weeks and I'm going to see her this weekend and would like to surprise her..."
Doc: (Excitedly) "Well let's go see!"
I jumped off the table, grabbed all my things including Jackson and practically ran to the ultrasound room. Unlike Jackson, this baby did not want to show it's goods. The ultrasound tech tried for what seemed like an eternity to move it around and even had me turn over a couple times, but that little goober would not uncross it's legs. Finally, I got up did jumping jacks and hip circles and it FINALLY spread 'em. (I can honestly say this is the only time I'll ever encourage her to spread her legs!)
It's still a little early but if you know anything about the anatomy of boy and girl parts, I think you can see that it's pretty clear that this one's a little girl!
 |
| Uh, yeah...definitely girl parts! |
I actually didn't see for myself during the ultrasound. The tech wouldn't even let me look at the screen. She put the pic in the envelope and I rushed to Bryan's office where we sat in the car in the pouring rain and opened the envelope together. It was a special moment to do be able to do it together.
I was able to keep a lid on the secret (for those of you who know how big my mouth is, this was huge for me) and surprised my family with the news when we got to Pigeon Forge Friday.
I wrapped 4 gifts - one for my mom, stepdad, brother, and sister in law - and had them open them all at the same time. The gifts were clues about it being a girl -- a Mounds bar (because Almond Joys have nuts, Mounds don't), a box of tacos (I don't have to elaborate here, do I?), sugar, and spices. It took a minute for them to get it but, of course, my mom was the first to figure it out. They all were overjoyed and my mom and stepdad cried...SHOCKING! :-)
Now onto the coolest part of the story...the name...
Bryan and I have known that for some time now that we wanted our little girl's first name to be Ocie, after his grandmother. But, we also knew we didn't want her to go by Ocie, so we wanted a good, classic middle name that would be cute for a little girl but that would also grow with her and sound just as good if she was the CEO of some huge company someday. We'd tossed a few names around and narrowed it down to Ocie Claire and Ocie Ruth. I know, you're thinking, how is this cool? Just wait...
In July, Bryan started a journey to read the Bible from cover to cover. Almost everyday he's read 3-5 pages. On the day of the ultrasound (keep in mind we had no idea if we'd find out that day), he started the book of Ruth! In typical Bryan nerdiness, he did some statistical analysis of the probability of that happening and came out with the probability of him starting that book on that particular day at 0.02%. (I know...he's such a dweeb.)
Anyways...that pretty much settled it for us! We are super excited to welcome our little Ocie Ruth in March. We can't wait to meet you Ru-Ru!
I'll leave you readers with a few of my favorite pics from our weekend in Pigeon Forge. We had a blast!!
XOXO
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| I love a mountain view! |
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| Waiting on the Shakonohey show at Dollywood. |
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| Had to get one with the owls. |
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| He LOVED the carousel! |
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| Riding the elephants with Nana. |
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| All those rides wore him out! |
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| "One, two, three...GOOOO!" |
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| Outside at the Apple Barn. |
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| Swinging on the porch of the Apple Barn with Uncle Brad and Nana. |
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Viva la Red-dog!
Recently, my sweet Red-dog has decided to live on the edge. He's gotten pancreatitis, run off into the corn field only to find two girlfriends down the street, and has eaten his fair share of tissues, paper towels, and various other food and non-food items.
His latest was a bit more dangerous -- an entire stick of all natural Boo-Boo Balm -- made of beeswax, tea tree oil, and various other all natural ingredients.
The dangerous thing about this, is tea tree oil is HIGHLY toxic to both dogs and humans. I had no idea. You think if you have something all natural in your home, that it is safe. That simply isn't the case. In fact, many all natural products are actually more dangerous because they are home-made and some of the levels of ingredients vary from item to item. Also, many of them are toxic whereas the unnatural products to use on babies and children are purposefully made from products that are non-toxic, just in case they are ingested. Because we all know babies like to eat things they shouldn't.
The good news about the Boo-Boo Balm incident is that I caught Red in the act, preventing something fatal. The bad news is that because this product was made from tea tree oil, it could have had a lot more effect than we initially thought.
The vet took blood work from Red the day of the incident and it showed that his liver enzyme levels were high. He said this could be from the tea tree oil or maybe that something else is wrong. So, we went back a week later to do fasting blood work.
We got the results back yesterday and his levels are still high. This was not the news we wanted to hear. Either the tea tree oil really did some damage, or something even worse is going on -- and the vet wouldn't elaborate on what worse means, which scares me even more. They are going to put Red on medication for a bit and run some tests again in a month or so. (At first it was 3 months, but we just didn't want to wait that long.)
All of this has made me think back and reminisce about the past six years of having Red. How his droopy eyes and big ears drew us to him immediately. How we were told that he had been beaten up by some bigger dogs before they rescued him and they thought he wouldn't like other dogs because of it. (Boy were they wrong about that!)
How he ate the cover off my bible but didn't eat a single Word of God (he knew what was up), has chewed up countless pairs of shoes, ate my cookbooks (What? They tasted like bacon.), and even chewed up the molding around a door at the first apartment we lived in (it's amazing what you can do with spackle and a little creativity).
How he knew, before I knew, when I was pregnant both the first time and when I got pregnant with Jackson and would refuse to lay on my stomach. How he never left my side when I was miscarrying and let me use his fur to wipe my tears.
How much he has loved Jackson since the day we brought him home. Red lets him pull his ears, play with his feet, and yank on his tail without as much as a grimace. How protective he is of Jackson and gets in trouble for busting in Jackson's room at night, thus waking Jackson up, just because he wants to sleep in the same room as him. And, how Red will just about knock me over so that he is the first one to greet Jackson in the morning when I go to get him out of his crib.
How he might be the jumpiest, loudest, much too friendly, and most annoying dog in the world at times - but that he will always be my first baby. I wouldn't change a thing in the world about him.
He's only six years old and that is just not enough time for us to have with him. So, Red - we need for you to get well and we need God to heal your liver so that we have at least another 10 years with you!
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| He's always had an affinity for Christmas Tree Cakes. But, who doesn't? |
His latest was a bit more dangerous -- an entire stick of all natural Boo-Boo Balm -- made of beeswax, tea tree oil, and various other all natural ingredients.
The dangerous thing about this, is tea tree oil is HIGHLY toxic to both dogs and humans. I had no idea. You think if you have something all natural in your home, that it is safe. That simply isn't the case. In fact, many all natural products are actually more dangerous because they are home-made and some of the levels of ingredients vary from item to item. Also, many of them are toxic whereas the unnatural products to use on babies and children are purposefully made from products that are non-toxic, just in case they are ingested. Because we all know babies like to eat things they shouldn't.
And babies in my home include the human and furry variety.
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| My three babies - Blue, Jackson, and Red. |
The good news about the Boo-Boo Balm incident is that I caught Red in the act, preventing something fatal. The bad news is that because this product was made from tea tree oil, it could have had a lot more effect than we initially thought.
The vet took blood work from Red the day of the incident and it showed that his liver enzyme levels were high. He said this could be from the tea tree oil or maybe that something else is wrong. So, we went back a week later to do fasting blood work.
We got the results back yesterday and his levels are still high. This was not the news we wanted to hear. Either the tea tree oil really did some damage, or something even worse is going on -- and the vet wouldn't elaborate on what worse means, which scares me even more. They are going to put Red on medication for a bit and run some tests again in a month or so. (At first it was 3 months, but we just didn't want to wait that long.)
All of this has made me think back and reminisce about the past six years of having Red. How his droopy eyes and big ears drew us to him immediately. How we were told that he had been beaten up by some bigger dogs before they rescued him and they thought he wouldn't like other dogs because of it. (Boy were they wrong about that!)
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| He was so tiny! |
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| With Daddy in "their" chair. |
How he ate the cover off my bible but didn't eat a single Word of God (he knew what was up), has chewed up countless pairs of shoes, ate my cookbooks (What? They tasted like bacon.), and even chewed up the molding around a door at the first apartment we lived in (it's amazing what you can do with spackle and a little creativity).
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| "Hey. How YOU doing?" |
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| Born to be King! |
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| "Who wants to pump some iron?" |
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| Plain ridiculousness... |
How he knew, before I knew, when I was pregnant both the first time and when I got pregnant with Jackson and would refuse to lay on my stomach. How he never left my side when I was miscarrying and let me use his fur to wipe my tears.
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| Momma's boy |
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| Snuggle time |
How much he has loved Jackson since the day we brought him home. Red lets him pull his ears, play with his feet, and yank on his tail without as much as a grimace. How protective he is of Jackson and gets in trouble for busting in Jackson's room at night, thus waking Jackson up, just because he wants to sleep in the same room as him. And, how Red will just about knock me over so that he is the first one to greet Jackson in the morning when I go to get him out of his crib.
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| Love at first sight! |
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| He makes an excellent seat, too! |
How he might be the jumpiest, loudest, much too friendly, and most annoying dog in the world at times - but that he will always be my first baby. I wouldn't change a thing in the world about him.
He's only six years old and that is just not enough time for us to have with him. So, Red - we need for you to get well and we need God to heal your liver so that we have at least another 10 years with you!
We love you Reddrick VonStufelstein Parsons!
Thursday, August 18, 2011
11 Weeks
I know I haven't been blogging regularly and promise to get back into routine as soon as I get rid of this "morning" sickness crud. When you feel pukey all day, it's hard to think about anything else. I'm starting to plan out Jackson's 2nd Birthday Party, reading up on potty training, and we are gearing up to start our college ministry in just a couple weeks so things are about to get super busy. My morning sickness seems to be getting better b/c I have moments of feeling well (even days) but then it strikes again with fury. Pray that my nausea ceases within these couple weeks so that by the time things get SUPER busy, I'll be running at 100%. I'm also still waiting on my second set of PRAXIS scores so that I can transfer my teaching certification and start subbing this fall. Pray that we find trustworthy and reliable daycare for Jackson once I start.
Until, I can blog about something a little more interesting, I'll keep you updated on my pregnancy via pregnancy survey...
How far along? 11 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: +1.4 lbs - slow and steady...let's keep it that way!
Maternity clothes? Still not in them completely. I'm definitely having to use a hair tie to button all my pants now though and am trying to wear baggier shirts as my belly doesn't look like a baby bump, but resembles more of a beer gut right now. I don't think I'll get a lot of "Oh look, she's pregnant. How cute?!" looks, they are more like, "Wow, Lindsey's really put on some weight!" looks.
Stretch marks? Only the ones left by Jackson.
Sleep: I'm taking phenergan about every other night to help with all-day sickness so I'm sleeping pretty darn well. At least when Jackson let's me. I don't want to talk about it.
Best moment this week: Went to the doctor Monday and had another ultrasound! The baby was super wiggly and we could even make out it's hands. It was measuring a little big so they moved the due date to March 8!
Movement: Too early to feel it but the baby was clearly squirming like crazy on the ultrasound!
Food cravings: Haven't had many in the past couple weeks. My biggest problem right now is a bad taste in my mouth that makes the nausea worse. So, I'm always drinking or eating things with fruity flavors to help get rid of it.
Gender: Chinese gender calendar says girl. It was right with Jackson. We'll see!
Labor Signs: Am I going to have to keep answering this question for the next 29 weeks?
Belly Button in or out? In.
Wedding rings on or off? On!
What I miss: Having an appetite, and not feeling pukey. I'm definitely ready for this part to be OVER!
What I am looking forward to: Knowing the gender. I don't know how I'm going to wait until the end of October.
Weekly Wisdom: The end of the "morning sickness" should be drawing near. When you are ready to break down b/c you're not feeling well, think "The Little Engine That Could."
Milestones: Starting to show, saw the first movement on the ultrasound, nausea is getting better gradually.
Until, I can blog about something a little more interesting, I'll keep you updated on my pregnancy via pregnancy survey...
How far along? 11 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: +1.4 lbs - slow and steady...let's keep it that way!
Maternity clothes? Still not in them completely. I'm definitely having to use a hair tie to button all my pants now though and am trying to wear baggier shirts as my belly doesn't look like a baby bump, but resembles more of a beer gut right now. I don't think I'll get a lot of "Oh look, she's pregnant. How cute?!" looks, they are more like, "Wow, Lindsey's really put on some weight!" looks.
Stretch marks? Only the ones left by Jackson.
Sleep: I'm taking phenergan about every other night to help with all-day sickness so I'm sleeping pretty darn well. At least when Jackson let's me. I don't want to talk about it.
Best moment this week: Went to the doctor Monday and had another ultrasound! The baby was super wiggly and we could even make out it's hands. It was measuring a little big so they moved the due date to March 8!
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| 3 mm long. Heartbeat was 164. |
Movement: Too early to feel it but the baby was clearly squirming like crazy on the ultrasound!
Food cravings: Haven't had many in the past couple weeks. My biggest problem right now is a bad taste in my mouth that makes the nausea worse. So, I'm always drinking or eating things with fruity flavors to help get rid of it.
Gender: Chinese gender calendar says girl. It was right with Jackson. We'll see!
Labor Signs: Am I going to have to keep answering this question for the next 29 weeks?
Belly Button in or out? In.
Wedding rings on or off? On!
What I miss: Having an appetite, and not feeling pukey. I'm definitely ready for this part to be OVER!
What I am looking forward to: Knowing the gender. I don't know how I'm going to wait until the end of October.
Weekly Wisdom: The end of the "morning sickness" should be drawing near. When you are ready to break down b/c you're not feeling well, think "The Little Engine That Could."
Milestones: Starting to show, saw the first movement on the ultrasound, nausea is getting better gradually.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
8 weeks 3 days
How far along? 8 weeks, 3 days
Total weight gain/loss: So far no loss, no gain. Not completely sure of my exact weight before I got pregnant. But from the last time I was weighed to a couple weeks ago at my appointment - I'd lost almost 5 lbs.
Maternity clothes? Not having to wear them yet. By the time I was 8 weeks with Jackson I was having to use a hair tie to keep my pants buttoned and I've only had to do that with one pair of pants but was able to button them after they'd stretched after a couple hours of wearing.
Stretch marks? Only the ones left by Jackson.
Sleep: Definitely having some insomnia. Not sure if it's due to feeling icky or the fact that I take so many cat naps during the day that it's messing up night time sleep.
Best moment this week: The moments in which I feel normal.
Movement: Only the churning of my stomach!
Food cravings: Whatever I can hold down. Mostly bland foods. I did feel really good several days ago and wanted a cheeseburger and recently I've been loving macaroni salad.
Gender: Won't know for a while. I go back and forth on what I think it is. For the past few days I've been stuck on girl.
Labor Signs: Not even close.
Belly Button in or out? Still in, and let's keep it that way for a while.
Wedding rings on or off? On!
What I miss: Feeling normal. My stomach always feels queasy and gross, my bowels are all screwed up (TMI sorry), and I'm always weak and tired.
What I am looking forward to: The end of the ick.
Weekly Wisdom: Try not to let how you feel dictate your life. Get off your bum and get moving some everyday.
Milestones: Morning sickness, excuse me, all day sickness has struck. It's no fun but a good sign that everything is going well.
Total weight gain/loss: So far no loss, no gain. Not completely sure of my exact weight before I got pregnant. But from the last time I was weighed to a couple weeks ago at my appointment - I'd lost almost 5 lbs.
Maternity clothes? Not having to wear them yet. By the time I was 8 weeks with Jackson I was having to use a hair tie to keep my pants buttoned and I've only had to do that with one pair of pants but was able to button them after they'd stretched after a couple hours of wearing.
Stretch marks? Only the ones left by Jackson.
Sleep: Definitely having some insomnia. Not sure if it's due to feeling icky or the fact that I take so many cat naps during the day that it's messing up night time sleep.
Best moment this week: The moments in which I feel normal.
Movement: Only the churning of my stomach!
Food cravings: Whatever I can hold down. Mostly bland foods. I did feel really good several days ago and wanted a cheeseburger and recently I've been loving macaroni salad.
Gender: Won't know for a while. I go back and forth on what I think it is. For the past few days I've been stuck on girl.
Labor Signs: Not even close.
Belly Button in or out? Still in, and let's keep it that way for a while.
Wedding rings on or off? On!
What I miss: Feeling normal. My stomach always feels queasy and gross, my bowels are all screwed up (TMI sorry), and I'm always weak and tired.
What I am looking forward to: The end of the ick.
Weekly Wisdom: Try not to let how you feel dictate your life. Get off your bum and get moving some everyday.
Milestones: Morning sickness, excuse me, all day sickness has struck. It's no fun but a good sign that everything is going well.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Do you know how to make God laugh?
"Tell Him your plans!"
Since Bryan and I had Jackson and moved to TN, we've talked a lot about our plans for when we wanted to have another child. We know we want more children (at least 1 more, maybe 2) but were trying to be smart about the timing of it all. We wanted Jackson to have some time to feel like an only child, we wanted to wait until his speech development caught up, and MOST OF ALL we wanted to keep our guest bedroom for a while.
Now, I know that sounds silly, but keep in mind that we live in a 3 bedroom home, at least 9 hours from family. That means if people want to come visit, they need a place to stay. The entire time we lived in SC, we didn't have a functioning guest bedroom. And, it's the one thing I looked forward to the most when moving to a larger home. I wanted a place for our family and friends to come and visit and feel comfortable. And, I've loved having it! So, Bryan and I decided we would wait to add to our family for a few more years. Maybe by then we could afford to move into a bigger home...or maybe the baby itch would be so bad by then that we didn't care.
Well, God had other plans.
While visiting family in Maryland, I was supposed to get a visit from my "monthly friend." When she didn't come on the day she was supposed to, I was perplexed. I'm never late. NEVER. My cycle is like clockwork. I can just about predict the tides by it. Nonetheless, I pushed the concern to the back of my mind...Maybe it's the stress of the 17 hour drive? Maybe I calculated wrong or didn't write it down correctly? She'll come tomorrow. I was determined to enjoy my vacation and really didn't think about it until the next evening, when she still hadn't paid me a visit.
I broke down and told Bryan that I was a day late and was a little concerned that something was going on. He was wide-eyed but immediately asked me if I "felt" pregnant. See, when I was pregnant with Jackson, I felt it before I even got a positive test. In fact, I had so many symptoms so early that I got a positive test almost a week before I was supposed to get my period and we even thought I could be pregnant with twins because my hormone levels were so high. I told Bryan that I didn't feel pregnant at all, so I just thought I was late. If I didn't start by tomorrow morning, we'd go get a pregnancy test.
Well, the next morning rolled around and I still hadn't gotten my monthly friend. So, we went to the store and bought a test. I decided to wait to take it until the next morning, just in case. Plus, they're more accurate if you take them first thing in the morning.
On the morning July 4th, in my grandmother's bathroom, we had our own little fireworks show when I saw this...
Bryan and I were SHOCKED! I had convinced myself I wasn't pregnant, and I couldn't believe I was. We proceeded to tell our immediate family, and I began the process of going through the bag of emotions that comes with an unplanned pregnancy.
Bryan was over the moon, and I was too. But, I was also scared. Scared of miscarriage because I've had one before. Scared that I wouldn't love this baby as much as I love Jackson. Scared for my sanity of being a stay at home mom of two children. Scared about finances. And, what would happen to my lovely guest bedroom?! Where would family stay when they came to see this new baby?!
I don't have the answer to the guest bedroom question yet. And, for some ridiculous reason, it seems to be my biggest concern. I know it's silly, I know...but I can't help it!
God has given me peace though. It took a scary weekend of some pretty severe cramping, which just turned out to be a bad UTI, but I got peace. We praised God and breathed a huge sigh of relief to see that the baby was just fine and already had a strong heartbeat at just 6 weeks and 2 days.
And, we are VERY, VERY excited to welcome this new baby into the world in March!
Please continue to pray for a healthy pregnancy, delivery, and baby as miscarriage is never far from our minds. We know that once you get a heartbeat the chances of miscarriage decrease significantly, but we also know from close friends that there is never a "safe point."
XOXO
Since Bryan and I had Jackson and moved to TN, we've talked a lot about our plans for when we wanted to have another child. We know we want more children (at least 1 more, maybe 2) but were trying to be smart about the timing of it all. We wanted Jackson to have some time to feel like an only child, we wanted to wait until his speech development caught up, and MOST OF ALL we wanted to keep our guest bedroom for a while.
Now, I know that sounds silly, but keep in mind that we live in a 3 bedroom home, at least 9 hours from family. That means if people want to come visit, they need a place to stay. The entire time we lived in SC, we didn't have a functioning guest bedroom. And, it's the one thing I looked forward to the most when moving to a larger home. I wanted a place for our family and friends to come and visit and feel comfortable. And, I've loved having it! So, Bryan and I decided we would wait to add to our family for a few more years. Maybe by then we could afford to move into a bigger home...or maybe the baby itch would be so bad by then that we didn't care.
Well, God had other plans.
While visiting family in Maryland, I was supposed to get a visit from my "monthly friend." When she didn't come on the day she was supposed to, I was perplexed. I'm never late. NEVER. My cycle is like clockwork. I can just about predict the tides by it. Nonetheless, I pushed the concern to the back of my mind...Maybe it's the stress of the 17 hour drive? Maybe I calculated wrong or didn't write it down correctly? She'll come tomorrow. I was determined to enjoy my vacation and really didn't think about it until the next evening, when she still hadn't paid me a visit.
I broke down and told Bryan that I was a day late and was a little concerned that something was going on. He was wide-eyed but immediately asked me if I "felt" pregnant. See, when I was pregnant with Jackson, I felt it before I even got a positive test. In fact, I had so many symptoms so early that I got a positive test almost a week before I was supposed to get my period and we even thought I could be pregnant with twins because my hormone levels were so high. I told Bryan that I didn't feel pregnant at all, so I just thought I was late. If I didn't start by tomorrow morning, we'd go get a pregnancy test.
Well, the next morning rolled around and I still hadn't gotten my monthly friend. So, we went to the store and bought a test. I decided to wait to take it until the next morning, just in case. Plus, they're more accurate if you take them first thing in the morning.
On the morning July 4th, in my grandmother's bathroom, we had our own little fireworks show when I saw this...
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| HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA! |
Bryan and I were SHOCKED! I had convinced myself I wasn't pregnant, and I couldn't believe I was. We proceeded to tell our immediate family, and I began the process of going through the bag of emotions that comes with an unplanned pregnancy.
Bryan was over the moon, and I was too. But, I was also scared. Scared of miscarriage because I've had one before. Scared that I wouldn't love this baby as much as I love Jackson. Scared for my sanity of being a stay at home mom of two children. Scared about finances. And, what would happen to my lovely guest bedroom?! Where would family stay when they came to see this new baby?!
I don't have the answer to the guest bedroom question yet. And, for some ridiculous reason, it seems to be my biggest concern. I know it's silly, I know...but I can't help it!
God has given me peace though. It took a scary weekend of some pretty severe cramping, which just turned out to be a bad UTI, but I got peace. We praised God and breathed a huge sigh of relief to see that the baby was just fine and already had a strong heartbeat at just 6 weeks and 2 days.
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| Hello, little Sweet Pea! |
And, we are VERY, VERY excited to welcome this new baby into the world in March!
Please continue to pray for a healthy pregnancy, delivery, and baby as miscarriage is never far from our minds. We know that once you get a heartbeat the chances of miscarriage decrease significantly, but we also know from close friends that there is never a "safe point."
XOXO
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Control Freak
Today I feel like control is absolutely slipping through my fingers. And, for me that is a big deal. I am a control freak. I love to be in control - control over the daily schedule, my emotions, my family dynamic, my career, my ministry.
Most days I feel like God knows this about me and lets me think I've got everything under control. Then days like today happen and I realize I have no control at all. No control over a teething toddler who clearly has a mind of his own and has since birth. (I think he may have inherited the control freak gene, which should make things VERY interesting!) No control over our family unit and our future (sorry, gotta be vague here but it's nothing bad I promise!). No control over my teaching career (I should mention that one of the reasons I love teaching is that I have control over MY classroom). No control over various aspects of the college ministry Bryan and I are leading. And, no control of my own emotions.
I feel like the more I try to hold on, white knuckled, for control -- the more I am losing it.
In fact, I've done this a lot today --
Most days I feel like God knows this about me and lets me think I've got everything under control. Then days like today happen and I realize I have no control at all. No control over a teething toddler who clearly has a mind of his own and has since birth. (I think he may have inherited the control freak gene, which should make things VERY interesting!) No control over our family unit and our future (sorry, gotta be vague here but it's nothing bad I promise!). No control over my teaching career (I should mention that one of the reasons I love teaching is that I have control over MY classroom). No control over various aspects of the college ministry Bryan and I are leading. And, no control of my own emotions.
I feel like the more I try to hold on, white knuckled, for control -- the more I am losing it.
In fact, I've done this a lot today --
I know that God is trying to teach me a lesson in this. It seems to be a lesson that I'll never learn --
First, that my life is not mine. Second, that I was not designed to have control.*
Jeremiah 10:23 -- I know, O Lord, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps.
I know that I should, "Let go and let God." But that is SO HARD for me. Sometimes I just want to shout, "I've got this, Lord! I promise I'll do a good job if you just give it to me!"
But, then I hear him say the same thing right back. Except His is a promise that can't be broken. Because, how many times have I failed if I try to keep control? Do I have to think back over time, or can I just count today? Because, I think the dozen face palms I've given myself today answers that question.
My grandmother's favorite verse is Proverbs 3:5-6 -- Trust in the Lord with all your heart; lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
Days like today, find me leaning on this verse with all I am. I know that I will fall short of fully trusting the Lord and not trying to do things my way, but I acknowledge that; and I acknowledge that His plan is so much more perfect and wonderful than mine.
So, right now I promise to give all the control to Him. Even if that's the hardest thing in the world for me to do.
Is it bad that I still hope He'll clue me in a little? :)
XOXO
*I'm so thankful for wonderful online devotionals like this one that can direct me to scripture and explain how it is relevant to exactly what I'm going through. http://pastorterryblog.wordpress.com/2010/10/27/devotional-letting-god-be-in-control/
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