11 Weeks

I know I haven't been blogging regularly and promise to get back into routine as soon as I get rid of this "morning" sickness crud.  When you feel pukey all day, it's hard to think about anything else.  I'm starting to plan out Jackson's 2nd Birthday Party, reading up on potty training, and we are gearing up to start our college ministry in just a couple weeks so things are about to get super busy.  My morning sickness seems to be getting better b/c I have moments of feeling well (even days) but then it strikes again with fury.  Pray that my nausea ceases within these couple weeks so that by the time things get SUPER busy, I'll be running at 100%.  I'm also still waiting on my second set of PRAXIS scores so that I can transfer my teaching certification and start subbing this fall.  Pray that we find trustworthy and reliable daycare for Jackson once I start.  


Until, I can blog about something a little more interesting, I'll keep you updated on my pregnancy via pregnancy survey...


How far along? 11 Weeks

Total weight gain/loss: +1.4 lbs - slow and steady...let's keep it that way! 

Maternity clothes? Still not in them completely.  I'm definitely having to use a hair tie to button all my pants now though and am trying to wear baggier shirts as my belly doesn't look like a baby bump, but resembles more of a beer gut right now.  I don't think I'll get a lot of "Oh look, she's pregnant.  How cute?!" looks, they are more like, "Wow, Lindsey's really put on some weight!" looks.

Stretch marks? Only the ones left by Jackson.

Sleep: I'm taking phenergan about every other night to help with all-day sickness so I'm sleeping pretty darn well.  At least when Jackson let's me.  I don't want to talk about it.

Best moment this week: Went to the doctor Monday and had another ultrasound!  The baby was super wiggly and we could even make out it's hands.  It was measuring a little big so they moved the due date to March 8!

3 mm long.  Heartbeat was 164.  

Movement:  Too early to feel it but the baby was clearly squirming like crazy on the ultrasound!

Food cravings: Haven't had many in the past couple weeks.  My biggest problem right now is a bad taste in my mouth that makes the nausea worse.  So, I'm always drinking or eating things with fruity flavors to help get rid of it.

Gender: Chinese gender calendar says girl.  It was right with Jackson.  We'll see!

Labor Signs: Am I going to have to keep answering this question for the next 29 weeks?

Belly Button in or out? In.

Wedding rings on or off?  On!

What I miss:  Having an appetite, and not feeling pukey.  I'm definitely ready for this part to be OVER!  

What I am looking forward to: Knowing the gender.  I don't know how I'm going to wait until the end of October.

Weekly Wisdom: The end of the "morning sickness" should be drawing near.  When you are ready to break down b/c you're not feeling well, think "The Little Engine That Could."

Milestones: Starting to show, saw the first movement on the ultrasound, nausea is getting better gradually.

8 weeks 3 days

How far along? 8 weeks, 3 days

Total weight gain/loss: So far no loss, no gain.  Not completely sure of my exact weight before I got pregnant.  But from the last time I was weighed to a couple weeks ago at my appointment - I'd lost almost 5 lbs.  

Maternity clothes? Not having to wear them yet.  By the time I was 8 weeks with Jackson I was having to use a hair tie to keep my pants buttoned and I've only had to do that with one pair of pants but was able to button them after they'd stretched after a couple hours of wearing.

Stretch marks? Only the ones left by Jackson.

Sleep: Definitely having some insomnia.  Not sure if it's due to feeling icky or the fact that I take so many cat naps during the day that it's messing up night time sleep.

Best moment this week: The moments in which I feel normal.

Movement: Only the churning of my stomach!

Food cravings: Whatever I can hold down.  Mostly bland foods.  I did feel really good several days ago and wanted a cheeseburger and recently I've been loving macaroni salad.

Gender: Won't know for a while.  I go back and forth on what I think it is.  For the past few days I've been stuck on girl.

Labor Signs: Not even close.

Belly Button in or out? Still in, and let's keep it that way for a while.

Wedding rings on or off?  On!

What I miss: Feeling normal.  My stomach always feels queasy and gross, my bowels are all screwed up (TMI sorry), and I'm always weak and tired.  

What I am looking forward to: The end of the ick.

Weekly Wisdom: Try not to let how you feel dictate your life.  Get off your bum and get moving some everyday.

Milestones: Morning sickness, excuse me, all day sickness has struck.  It's no fun but a good sign that everything is going well.

Do you know how to make God laugh?

"Tell Him your plans!"

Since Bryan and I had Jackson and moved to TN, we've talked a lot about our plans for when we wanted to have another child.  We know we want more children (at least 1 more, maybe 2) but were trying to be smart about the timing of it all.  We wanted Jackson to have some time to feel like an only child, we wanted to wait until his speech development caught up, and MOST OF ALL we wanted to keep our guest bedroom for a while.

Now, I know that sounds silly, but keep in mind that we live in a 3 bedroom home, at least 9 hours from family.  That means if people want to come visit, they need a place to stay.  The entire time we lived in SC, we didn't have a functioning guest bedroom.  And, it's the one thing I looked forward to the most when moving to a larger home.  I wanted a place for our family and friends to come and visit and feel comfortable.  And, I've loved having it!  So, Bryan and I decided we would wait to add to our family for a few more years.  Maybe by then we could afford to move into a bigger home...or maybe the baby itch would be so bad by then that we didn't care.

Well, God had other plans.

While visiting family in Maryland, I was supposed to get a visit from my "monthly friend."  When she didn't come on the day she was supposed to, I was perplexed.  I'm never late.  NEVER.  My cycle is like clockwork.  I can just about predict the tides by it.  Nonetheless, I pushed the concern to the back of my mind...Maybe it's the stress of the 17 hour drive?  Maybe I calculated wrong or didn't write it down correctly?  She'll come tomorrow.  I was determined to enjoy my vacation and really didn't think about it until the next evening, when she still hadn't paid me a visit.

I broke down and told Bryan that I was a day late and was a little concerned that something was going on.  He was wide-eyed but immediately asked me if I "felt" pregnant.  See, when I was pregnant with Jackson, I felt it before I even got a positive test.  In fact, I had so many symptoms so early that I got a positive test almost a week before I was supposed to get my period and we even thought I could be pregnant with twins because my hormone levels were so high.  I told Bryan that I didn't feel pregnant at all, so I just thought I was late.  If I didn't start by tomorrow morning, we'd go get a pregnancy test.

Well, the next morning rolled around and I still hadn't gotten my monthly friend.  So, we went to the store and bought a test.  I decided to wait to take it until the next morning, just in case.  Plus, they're more accurate if you take them first thing in the morning.

On the morning July 4th, in my grandmother's bathroom, we had our own little fireworks show when I saw this...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA!

Bryan and I were SHOCKED!  I had convinced myself I wasn't pregnant, and I couldn't believe I was.  We proceeded to tell our immediate family, and I began the process of going through the bag of emotions that comes with an unplanned pregnancy.

Bryan was over the moon, and I was too.  But, I was also scared.  Scared of miscarriage because I've had one before.  Scared that I wouldn't love this baby as much as I love Jackson.  Scared for my sanity of being a stay at home mom of two children.  Scared about finances.  And, what would happen to my lovely guest bedroom?!  Where would family stay when they came to see this new baby?!

I don't have the answer to the guest bedroom question yet.  And, for some ridiculous reason, it seems to be my biggest concern.  I know it's silly, I know...but I can't help it!

God has given me peace though.  It took a scary weekend of some pretty severe cramping, which just turned out to be a bad UTI, but I got peace.  We praised God and breathed a huge sigh of relief to see that the baby was just fine and already had a strong heartbeat at just 6 weeks and 2 days.

Hello, little Sweet Pea!

And, we are VERY, VERY excited to welcome this new baby into the world in March!

Please continue to pray for a healthy pregnancy, delivery, and baby as miscarriage is never far from our minds.  We know that once you get a heartbeat the chances of miscarriage decrease significantly, but we also know from close friends that there is never a "safe point."

XOXO

Control Freak

Today I feel like control is absolutely slipping through my fingers.  And, for me that is a big deal.  I am a control freak.  I love to be in control - control over the daily schedule, my emotions, my family dynamic, my career, my ministry.

Most days I feel like God knows this about me and lets me think I've got everything under control.  Then days like today happen and I realize I have no control at all.  No control over a teething toddler who clearly has a mind of his own and has since birth.  (I think he may have inherited the control freak gene, which should make things VERY interesting!)  No control over our family unit and our future (sorry, gotta be vague here but it's nothing bad I promise!).  No control over my teaching career (I should mention that one of the reasons I love teaching is that I have control over MY classroom).  No control over various aspects of the college ministry Bryan and I are leading.  And, no control of my own emotions.

I feel like the more I try to hold on, white knuckled, for control -- the more I am losing it.

In fact, I've done this a lot today --

I know that God is trying to teach me a lesson in this.  It seems to be a lesson that I'll never learn --

First, that my life is not mine.  Second, that I was not designed to have control.*

Jeremiah 10:23 -- I know, O Lord, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps.

I know that I should, "Let go and let God."  But that is SO HARD for me.  Sometimes I just want to shout, "I've got this, Lord! I promise I'll do a good job if you just give it to me!"  

But, then I hear him say the same thing right back.  Except His is a promise that can't be broken.  Because, how many times have I failed if I try to keep control?  Do I have to think back over time, or can I just count today?  Because, I think the dozen face palms I've given myself today answers that question.

My grandmother's favorite verse is Proverbs 3:5-6 -- Trust in the Lord with all your heart; lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. 

Days like today, find me leaning on this verse with all I am.  I know that I will fall short of fully trusting the Lord and not trying to do things my way, but I acknowledge that; and I acknowledge that His plan is so much more perfect and wonderful than mine.  

So, right now I promise to give all the control to Him.  Even if that's the hardest thing in the world for me to do.  

Is it bad that I still hope He'll clue me in a little? :)

XOXO

*I'm so thankful for wonderful online devotionals like this one that can direct me to scripture and explain how it is relevant to exactly what I'm going through.  http://pastorterryblog.wordpress.com/2010/10/27/devotional-letting-god-be-in-control/

Family Vacay

Sorry it's been a bit since I posted, but we've been out of town of vacation.

We had a wonderful time but are finding more and more that vacations with a toddler are mixed with times of pure delight and times of pure stress.

The drive from TN to the Eastern Shore of Maryland is 17 hours.  On the way there we stopped through WV to see Bryan's dad and Grandmother and stayed the night.  We were able to see some friends of the family and they were able to meet Jackson for the first time which was great.  On the way back we drove straight through because the water went out at our house.  Jackson was such a trooper and did great with NOT ONE MELTDOWN.  Bryan and I were absolutely amazed at how well he did.  We are so lucky to be his parents!

In Maryland we ate more steamed, blue crab than seems possible, spent some quality time with family, and even got away on our own some to have Mommy, Daddy, and Jackson time.

It's funny how vacation teaches you things.  We learned that Jackson loves the pool, but not when there's a lot of people in it.  He is terrified of fireworks, but is absolutely addicted to watermelon.  Both of which are staples for celebrating the 4th of July, in my opinion.  Hopefully next year will be better when it comes to fireworks.   He wouldn't eat any of the crab, so we'll definitely have to work on that in the upcoming years!!  No one can be in our family and NOT eat blue crab! :-)  I also learned that I'm TERRIBLE at taking pictures.  I only got a handful of pictures of Jackson with Bryan and my brother in the pool.  I get so wrapped up in what I'm doing that I forget to take time to try and capture the moment on film.  I'm vowing right now to fix this.  Especially now that I've got a DSLR camera and can learn how to use it to take spectacular pictures.

This vacation also taught me to live in the moment.  Don't dwell on the stresses of less sleep and a different schedule, which can cause mini-meltdowns.  Instead, enjoy the change because the good times outweigh the meltdowns.  Things like - sharing a cup of mint chocolate chip on the sidewalk of a quaint, shore side town, watching your little one run joyfully through a family owned toy store, laughing at the squeals of delight when playing in the pool, and kissing the sticky-sweet, watermelon skin of a little boy that just can't get enough of the stuff.

Plus, vacation with my brother and sister-in-law always makes for good laughs.  Here are just some of the things that made us laugh this week:

"Rub in your chapstick.  It looks like you ate paste for lunch."

"The drive's not that bad.  Think about the positive.  See...we don't get to see corn that often."

"What stinks out here?"

"It smells like taco night at our house."

"Surely your tacos don't smell that bad?"  

"I think he was referring to the gas emitted after the tacos."

"Oh, ha!  Yeah that makes more sense."

"In the summertime he prefers the satin ones bc they're a lot cooler."

"Free Willy!"

I hope you had a wonderful 4th as well!

XOXO

I wasn't prepared for this.

I think every parent realizes at some point that there are some things that NO ONE can prepare you for once you have children.  I'm not talking big deal things, but silly little things that drive you nuts.  People warn us about the big things, but seem to forget to tell us about some of the following:

-  In a matter of a week you can be both disgusted by and utterly thrilled at the sight of poop.

-  You will find milk splatter everywhere.  On your furniture, clothing, electronics, toys...EVERYWHERE.  Also, it can be harder to clean than plaster.

-  You will find yourself spending more money on shoes for your little one than you do yourself.  For shoe lovers, like me, this is a great disappointment.

-  Your attic and every closet will be stuffed with containers full of outgrown clothing, toys, and other baby items.  Inevitably, this will cause an argument between the parent who wants to give it all away and the one that wants to keep it for the "next one."

-  If you never washed your walls before, you will now.

-  High chairs are disgusting.  No amount of cleaning and washing will be able to remove all of the dried banana, peanut butter, and ketchup from it.

-  You will begin defending certain children's programming to others, not because you don't agree with their assessment of it as "creepy" but because it makes your child happy.  And, anything that keeps him/her from throwing a tantrum is ok in your book.

-  You will get really mad at yourself for throwing away stale bread, cereal, and crackers rather than saving them to feed the ducks.

-  Kitchen counters are no longer just a place to prepare meals and display kitchen accessories, they become a catch all for everything from change to mail in order to keep them out of your little one's reach.

-  You will get so used to using the bathroom with the door open that you may forget about closing it even when company comes over.  QUITE EMBARRASSING!

-  You will no longer be able to sit down and enjoy a snack or something to drink without having to share it.

-  You will become a horrible songwriter about everything from buckling the car seat to the food in the frozen food isle.

-  Last but not least,  you'll find that you don't really care about any of the above things.  In the end, it's all worth it!

Now, what "little things" weren't you prepared for since becoming a parent?

XOXO

For Bryan

To My Honey:

I know you asked that your one gift on Father's Day would be for me not to write some long, sappy, and in your words cheesy Facebook status about you, but you didn't say anything about my blog.  I promise not to make it too long, and hopefully not too "cheesy".  I just want to say thank you....

Thank you for always bringing humor to our home.

Blue Steel

Thank you for working hard to take care of us.

Dr. Daddy!

Thank you for lifting me up and always pushing me to succeed.

I meant that lifting up part quite literally. :)

Thank you for your playfulness.

Thank you for loving Jackson and myself and putting us before anything else in this world.

Thank you for teaching our little boy how to be a man of God.

And we both know God is a Bulls fan!

More than anything, thank you for being you.  

Stud muffin

When we got married I didn't think I could love you any more.  Since that day we've been through ups and downs and life has thrown us some curveballs but instead of letting those curveballs tear us apart, we only became stronger as a team.  Then we became parents and my love for you grew deeper than I ever thought it could.  Watching you with Jackson makes me swoon.  Watching how much he is like you, makes my heart melt even more.  There isn't anyone else in this world I want Jackson to grow up to be like.

Even if that means he'll always have squinty eyes and a fake smile in pictures.

I love you and can't wait to make more babies with you!

XOXO   HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!   XOXO