Do you know how to make God laugh?

"Tell Him your plans!"

Since Bryan and I had Jackson and moved to TN, we've talked a lot about our plans for when we wanted to have another child.  We know we want more children (at least 1 more, maybe 2) but were trying to be smart about the timing of it all.  We wanted Jackson to have some time to feel like an only child, we wanted to wait until his speech development caught up, and MOST OF ALL we wanted to keep our guest bedroom for a while.

Now, I know that sounds silly, but keep in mind that we live in a 3 bedroom home, at least 9 hours from family.  That means if people want to come visit, they need a place to stay.  The entire time we lived in SC, we didn't have a functioning guest bedroom.  And, it's the one thing I looked forward to the most when moving to a larger home.  I wanted a place for our family and friends to come and visit and feel comfortable.  And, I've loved having it!  So, Bryan and I decided we would wait to add to our family for a few more years.  Maybe by then we could afford to move into a bigger home...or maybe the baby itch would be so bad by then that we didn't care.

Well, God had other plans.

While visiting family in Maryland, I was supposed to get a visit from my "monthly friend."  When she didn't come on the day she was supposed to, I was perplexed.  I'm never late.  NEVER.  My cycle is like clockwork.  I can just about predict the tides by it.  Nonetheless, I pushed the concern to the back of my mind...Maybe it's the stress of the 17 hour drive?  Maybe I calculated wrong or didn't write it down correctly?  She'll come tomorrow.  I was determined to enjoy my vacation and really didn't think about it until the next evening, when she still hadn't paid me a visit.

I broke down and told Bryan that I was a day late and was a little concerned that something was going on.  He was wide-eyed but immediately asked me if I "felt" pregnant.  See, when I was pregnant with Jackson, I felt it before I even got a positive test.  In fact, I had so many symptoms so early that I got a positive test almost a week before I was supposed to get my period and we even thought I could be pregnant with twins because my hormone levels were so high.  I told Bryan that I didn't feel pregnant at all, so I just thought I was late.  If I didn't start by tomorrow morning, we'd go get a pregnancy test.

Well, the next morning rolled around and I still hadn't gotten my monthly friend.  So, we went to the store and bought a test.  I decided to wait to take it until the next morning, just in case.  Plus, they're more accurate if you take them first thing in the morning.

On the morning July 4th, in my grandmother's bathroom, we had our own little fireworks show when I saw this...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA!

Bryan and I were SHOCKED!  I had convinced myself I wasn't pregnant, and I couldn't believe I was.  We proceeded to tell our immediate family, and I began the process of going through the bag of emotions that comes with an unplanned pregnancy.

Bryan was over the moon, and I was too.  But, I was also scared.  Scared of miscarriage because I've had one before.  Scared that I wouldn't love this baby as much as I love Jackson.  Scared for my sanity of being a stay at home mom of two children.  Scared about finances.  And, what would happen to my lovely guest bedroom?!  Where would family stay when they came to see this new baby?!

I don't have the answer to the guest bedroom question yet.  And, for some ridiculous reason, it seems to be my biggest concern.  I know it's silly, I know...but I can't help it!

God has given me peace though.  It took a scary weekend of some pretty severe cramping, which just turned out to be a bad UTI, but I got peace.  We praised God and breathed a huge sigh of relief to see that the baby was just fine and already had a strong heartbeat at just 6 weeks and 2 days.

Hello, little Sweet Pea!

And, we are VERY, VERY excited to welcome this new baby into the world in March!

Please continue to pray for a healthy pregnancy, delivery, and baby as miscarriage is never far from our minds.  We know that once you get a heartbeat the chances of miscarriage decrease significantly, but we also know from close friends that there is never a "safe point."

XOXO

Control Freak

Today I feel like control is absolutely slipping through my fingers.  And, for me that is a big deal.  I am a control freak.  I love to be in control - control over the daily schedule, my emotions, my family dynamic, my career, my ministry.

Most days I feel like God knows this about me and lets me think I've got everything under control.  Then days like today happen and I realize I have no control at all.  No control over a teething toddler who clearly has a mind of his own and has since birth.  (I think he may have inherited the control freak gene, which should make things VERY interesting!)  No control over our family unit and our future (sorry, gotta be vague here but it's nothing bad I promise!).  No control over my teaching career (I should mention that one of the reasons I love teaching is that I have control over MY classroom).  No control over various aspects of the college ministry Bryan and I are leading.  And, no control of my own emotions.

I feel like the more I try to hold on, white knuckled, for control -- the more I am losing it.

In fact, I've done this a lot today --

I know that God is trying to teach me a lesson in this.  It seems to be a lesson that I'll never learn --

First, that my life is not mine.  Second, that I was not designed to have control.*

Jeremiah 10:23 -- I know, O Lord, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps.

I know that I should, "Let go and let God."  But that is SO HARD for me.  Sometimes I just want to shout, "I've got this, Lord! I promise I'll do a good job if you just give it to me!"  

But, then I hear him say the same thing right back.  Except His is a promise that can't be broken.  Because, how many times have I failed if I try to keep control?  Do I have to think back over time, or can I just count today?  Because, I think the dozen face palms I've given myself today answers that question.

My grandmother's favorite verse is Proverbs 3:5-6 -- Trust in the Lord with all your heart; lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. 

Days like today, find me leaning on this verse with all I am.  I know that I will fall short of fully trusting the Lord and not trying to do things my way, but I acknowledge that; and I acknowledge that His plan is so much more perfect and wonderful than mine.  

So, right now I promise to give all the control to Him.  Even if that's the hardest thing in the world for me to do.  

Is it bad that I still hope He'll clue me in a little? :)

XOXO

*I'm so thankful for wonderful online devotionals like this one that can direct me to scripture and explain how it is relevant to exactly what I'm going through.  http://pastorterryblog.wordpress.com/2010/10/27/devotional-letting-god-be-in-control/

Family Vacay

Sorry it's been a bit since I posted, but we've been out of town of vacation.

We had a wonderful time but are finding more and more that vacations with a toddler are mixed with times of pure delight and times of pure stress.

The drive from TN to the Eastern Shore of Maryland is 17 hours.  On the way there we stopped through WV to see Bryan's dad and Grandmother and stayed the night.  We were able to see some friends of the family and they were able to meet Jackson for the first time which was great.  On the way back we drove straight through because the water went out at our house.  Jackson was such a trooper and did great with NOT ONE MELTDOWN.  Bryan and I were absolutely amazed at how well he did.  We are so lucky to be his parents!

In Maryland we ate more steamed, blue crab than seems possible, spent some quality time with family, and even got away on our own some to have Mommy, Daddy, and Jackson time.

It's funny how vacation teaches you things.  We learned that Jackson loves the pool, but not when there's a lot of people in it.  He is terrified of fireworks, but is absolutely addicted to watermelon.  Both of which are staples for celebrating the 4th of July, in my opinion.  Hopefully next year will be better when it comes to fireworks.   He wouldn't eat any of the crab, so we'll definitely have to work on that in the upcoming years!!  No one can be in our family and NOT eat blue crab! :-)  I also learned that I'm TERRIBLE at taking pictures.  I only got a handful of pictures of Jackson with Bryan and my brother in the pool.  I get so wrapped up in what I'm doing that I forget to take time to try and capture the moment on film.  I'm vowing right now to fix this.  Especially now that I've got a DSLR camera and can learn how to use it to take spectacular pictures.

This vacation also taught me to live in the moment.  Don't dwell on the stresses of less sleep and a different schedule, which can cause mini-meltdowns.  Instead, enjoy the change because the good times outweigh the meltdowns.  Things like - sharing a cup of mint chocolate chip on the sidewalk of a quaint, shore side town, watching your little one run joyfully through a family owned toy store, laughing at the squeals of delight when playing in the pool, and kissing the sticky-sweet, watermelon skin of a little boy that just can't get enough of the stuff.

Plus, vacation with my brother and sister-in-law always makes for good laughs.  Here are just some of the things that made us laugh this week:

"Rub in your chapstick.  It looks like you ate paste for lunch."

"The drive's not that bad.  Think about the positive.  See...we don't get to see corn that often."

"What stinks out here?"

"It smells like taco night at our house."

"Surely your tacos don't smell that bad?"  

"I think he was referring to the gas emitted after the tacos."

"Oh, ha!  Yeah that makes more sense."

"In the summertime he prefers the satin ones bc they're a lot cooler."

"Free Willy!"

I hope you had a wonderful 4th as well!

XOXO

I wasn't prepared for this.

I think every parent realizes at some point that there are some things that NO ONE can prepare you for once you have children.  I'm not talking big deal things, but silly little things that drive you nuts.  People warn us about the big things, but seem to forget to tell us about some of the following:

-  In a matter of a week you can be both disgusted by and utterly thrilled at the sight of poop.

-  You will find milk splatter everywhere.  On your furniture, clothing, electronics, toys...EVERYWHERE.  Also, it can be harder to clean than plaster.

-  You will find yourself spending more money on shoes for your little one than you do yourself.  For shoe lovers, like me, this is a great disappointment.

-  Your attic and every closet will be stuffed with containers full of outgrown clothing, toys, and other baby items.  Inevitably, this will cause an argument between the parent who wants to give it all away and the one that wants to keep it for the "next one."

-  If you never washed your walls before, you will now.

-  High chairs are disgusting.  No amount of cleaning and washing will be able to remove all of the dried banana, peanut butter, and ketchup from it.

-  You will begin defending certain children's programming to others, not because you don't agree with their assessment of it as "creepy" but because it makes your child happy.  And, anything that keeps him/her from throwing a tantrum is ok in your book.

-  You will get really mad at yourself for throwing away stale bread, cereal, and crackers rather than saving them to feed the ducks.

-  Kitchen counters are no longer just a place to prepare meals and display kitchen accessories, they become a catch all for everything from change to mail in order to keep them out of your little one's reach.

-  You will get so used to using the bathroom with the door open that you may forget about closing it even when company comes over.  QUITE EMBARRASSING!

-  You will no longer be able to sit down and enjoy a snack or something to drink without having to share it.

-  You will become a horrible songwriter about everything from buckling the car seat to the food in the frozen food isle.

-  Last but not least,  you'll find that you don't really care about any of the above things.  In the end, it's all worth it!

Now, what "little things" weren't you prepared for since becoming a parent?

XOXO

For Bryan

To My Honey:

I know you asked that your one gift on Father's Day would be for me not to write some long, sappy, and in your words cheesy Facebook status about you, but you didn't say anything about my blog.  I promise not to make it too long, and hopefully not too "cheesy".  I just want to say thank you....

Thank you for always bringing humor to our home.

Blue Steel

Thank you for working hard to take care of us.

Dr. Daddy!

Thank you for lifting me up and always pushing me to succeed.

I meant that lifting up part quite literally. :)

Thank you for your playfulness.

Thank you for loving Jackson and myself and putting us before anything else in this world.

Thank you for teaching our little boy how to be a man of God.

And we both know God is a Bulls fan!

More than anything, thank you for being you.  

Stud muffin

When we got married I didn't think I could love you any more.  Since that day we've been through ups and downs and life has thrown us some curveballs but instead of letting those curveballs tear us apart, we only became stronger as a team.  Then we became parents and my love for you grew deeper than I ever thought it could.  Watching you with Jackson makes me swoon.  Watching how much he is like you, makes my heart melt even more.  There isn't anyone else in this world I want Jackson to grow up to be like.

Even if that means he'll always have squinty eyes and a fake smile in pictures.

I love you and can't wait to make more babies with you!

XOXO   HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!   XOXO 

To cut or not to cut? That is the question.

I've insisted for months that I'm not going to cut Jackson's hair until I absolutely have to.

He may have inherited his daddy's high forehead, but Jackson definitely got my hair.  And, I think I have great hair (not to be entirely vain or anything).  I could tell you the story about how my mom didn't pray that I'd be healthy or normal, but prayed that I'd have beautiful hair while I was in the womb.  But...if you know me or her AT ALL, you've probably heard that story.

BECAUSE SHE TELLS IT TO EVERYONE! :-)

Recently, though, I've been feeling some pressure to give him a little trim.

I hate that because I LOVE  his hair.  It's getting long, and the longer it gets, the more it curls in the back.  Proportionally, it's done fairly well too, except for a few wisps on the sides that are a little longer than the rest and have a mind of their own from time to time.  It took a little while to fully come in but at least he wasn't one of those unfortunate babies that ended up with horrible bald spots or baby mullets.

There are a couple downsides when it comes to long hair though.

One -- it's hot.  When he get's really sweaty it sticks to his face and neck...and looks like this.

He looks happy.

Two, he gets mistaken for a girl.  Now, I know Jackson looks like a little boy, but he IS pretty.

Pretty boy proof.

The longer his hair has gotten, the more, "Awww...what a pretty little girl?!" comments we've gotten.  These are usually followed by me correcting them and giving them a "Can't you see HE has on boys clothing?!" look.

Three, it makes it hard to put sunscreen on his head.  Because his hair is still fine on top, his scalp still gets sunburned if we don't apply sunscreen.  (This was also inherited from me.  I have terrible memories of scalp sunburns as a child that peeled, bled, and scabbed.  It makes my head itch just thinking about it.)  I don't want him to have to go through that, but I'm not entirely sure a haircut would solve the problem unless I just buzzed it.  AND, THAT IS NOT HAPPENING!

When I think of all these things, I really start to consider getting his hair cut.

But, then I look at him and see this...

Swoon

...and I think, "NO WAY am I cutting off that gorgeous hair."  We'll do whatever it takes to keep him cool and keep sunburn at bay by using caps and hats.  And, who cares if people mistake him for a girl from time to time -- they are idiots.  I just can't do it yet!

So, what do you think?

Just in case you needed more photographic evidence.
Also, if you wanted to swoon some more.

XOXO

I'm taking refresher courses...against my will.

The past week had been a week of refresher courses for me.  Refresher courses I did not and still DO NOT want to take.

Refresher course #1 - Intro to Proper Care of the K-9 Species
Anyone can tell you that when you have real children, your furry children get knocked down a notch on the totem pole and start to become slightly neglected.  On Friday, we had a BIG scare with Red.  He woke us up early Friday morning, whining to go outside.  In doggy language this means - I'M ABOUT TO POOP MYSELF, HELP ME NOW!  So, we ran to turn off the alarm and get him out the door.  Well, he didn't make it.  Poor pup.  You can't imagine the amount of shame on his face for the next hour.  For the rest of the day, he wouldn't eat and what little he did eat or drink came right back up.  We just thought he had a normal upset stomach until 8:30 that evening when he had uncontrollable diarrhea again, but this time is was PURE BLOOD.  It was one of the scariest and most pitiful things I'd ever seen.  After an emergency trip to the vet, and a poor experience with that same vet where we had to demand tests being run - the diagnosis was pancreatitis (which can be fatal).  We are very glad we demanded tests because had the vet had it his way, he would've just watched Red die.  It's taken a few days but after lots of meds, a new diet, and lots and lots of love and attention (that he deserved before he got sick) Red's finally starting to act like himself.  When you think you're about to lose one of your furry babies, you are quickly reminded of how much you took them for granted!

Refresher Course #2:  The Science of Waking Up Before 8:00 AM
Since we got back from vacation in NC, Jackson's started waking up between the hours of 6 and 8 a.m. several days a week.  This is HIGHLY unusual and HIGHLY disappointing for me considering he hasn't woken up before 8:30 a.m. (and not fallen back asleep) in months.  At first, I thought it was just due to being on Eastern time rather than Central.  He went back to sleeping in for a few days and then returned to early waking again.  I think the problem is that the sun rises here at about 6:00 a.m now and shines right in his windows.  We bought heavy duty blackout curtains, but it doesn't block out all the light.  Plus, the birds start chirping so loud you can hear them over his white noise machine.  (As you can tell via the shades and the noise machine, I enjoy my sleep and have manipulated my child to be a late sleeper since he was aitty-bitty.)  The first couple times he woke up so early, I could give him milk and he'd go back to sleep for a few hours.  Those days are few and far between now, so I'm having to relearn how to drag myself out of bed in the morning and go to bed at a normal hour.  Neither of which I'm mastering very quickly.  If I had to give myself a grade for this refresher course right now, a C would be generous!

Refresher Course #3:  Every class you've ever had to take in math, history, and science.
On Saturday, I am taking one of the three PRAXIS tests I have to pass in order to transfer my teaching licensure from SC to TN.  The first test is Middle School Content Knowledge - a test that combines math, science, history, and language arts.  I thought it'd be a pretty easy test to pass, but after taking a practice test...I'M TERRIFIED!  The math is NOT middle school math.  There are questions on everything from long division, to logarithms, to matrix algebra.  I don't know about you, but I didn't learn anything about logs until I was a Senior in high school and NEVER even touched on Matrix Algebra.  In fact, it was only when Bryan tried to help me with a question I didn't understand that I knew what Matrix Algebra even was.  The History questions cover the entire history of the world - everything from American History, to developing civilizations, and the history of EVERYTHING ELSE THAT EVER HAPPENED IN THE WORLD!  One question would be about some factory system during the industrial revolution and the next would be about the Tang Dynasty in China.   I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure my History professors in college didn't even know all there was to know about the history of the world in general, let alone one of my middle school teachers.  I did well on the science and perfectly on the language arts portion, so I'm just trying to focus on brushing up on math and history.  Although, I'm not sure it should be called a "refresher course" since I'm learning much of it for the first time.

Refresher Course #4:  Intro to Diet and Exercise
The Friday before I left for NC, I went to get my annual physical.  Despite my begging and pleading that they not, they weighed me.  JERKS! To put it nicely and succinctly, let's just say, I was not pleased with the outcome.  Bryan also got a physical and although his weight was fine, his blood work came back and showed he has high cholesterol.  We were shocked by that and, honestly, a bit scared so we've been trying to kick our butts into gear.  We've thrown out all the junk and are trying to eat healthy foods - lean proteins, no refined sugars, fresh fruits and veggies, etc.  We've also been trying to exercise almost every day.  Although, it's more like a few times a week.  So far, we've been doing ok but we are gradually improving.  I have to be honest and say that Bryan is much better at this than I am.  He is usually the one pushing me to exercise and reminding me to eat better.  My mom used to say that Bryan was the best thing that ever happened to my GPA in college.  He studied all the time, and I wanted to spend time with him, so I'd study too.  Much like in college, if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be doing very well in this course either!

In college, taking 4 courses would be considered taking a full load.  However in life, you can't just drop a course.  Too bad!

XOXO